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katt4689
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Name: La DIOSA
Gender: Female
Interests: plz....u kno wat I like.....writin, boyz, drawin, boyz, partayin, chillin...SLEEPIN, makin fun o ppl...hay...did i mention boyz? lmao "I aint lookin so buzz off"
Expertise: men (are bastards)....hehe but seducin' em are my thing!! .............sssiikkee!
Occupation: i iz a kollege stoodent
Industry: porn industry. LMAO NOT
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  katt4689
Member Since:
12/6/2003
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For the first time in a long time, I am happy. Well, not with the events that are going on in my life, but I'm ECSTATIC about what I'm planning to do. So Samantha and I had a 2 hour phone conversation yesterday, and it started off innocently enough. Of course, I was complaining about my last crush, and she was complaining about hers to.
So you know what I decided?
I pretty much said SCREW IT, to society, screw it to all the rules. I'm going to make myself happy and get myself into a relationship that's WORTHWHILE, because I deserve it, god-dammit. This may seem very desperate and foolish because it seems like we can't live without men, but I'm just getting a move-on with my life, and also helping Sam out. :)
So here is the list. It is great. :)
Steps in Finding Commitment.
1) Develop a list of what you want to seek in the opposite sex.
2) How would you describe yourself? Set up your "dating site page" if you will, and move on from there.
3) Boost yourself up! Make a list of pros about yourself (and just in case you're OCD, a list of cons too) but they MUST, counteract each other. No con list more than your pro list. You know yourself. Don't let your self esteem break you down too much. Maybe even enlist the help of a close friend to help you out.
4) Ask your friends what they think about you. Find something new you never thought of before. Have talks about pros (and maybe cons) and how you can improve where you can improve. Anyway, it's an excuse to be with the girls!
5) Know your options. Most likely, you will be set up by your friends. If the matches are go, then affirm and go with it. If nothing seems good, look for proper dates yourself.
6) Know what you want, be prepared, go out there with a positive note, and just have fun!!
*This list is not done, and can be continued.
Qualities I find Appealing in the Opposite Sex
*These qualities are not necessary/limited to each individual, but would be best detailed per person, to fit their personality.*
- Good personality. I know, this is broad as HELL. Hopefully I can narrow this down and know what I'm talking about later on in the future. Generally, someone with a good sense of morality as well as ethical outlook on the world. I'm not saying he has to be on top of Maslow's pyramid of self actualization (but that would be a plus as well).
- Sense of Humor. This one's an easy one. Every girl likes a guy who can make her laugh. (Unless of course, you're not that girl...) but yeah someone who can take a joke, make jokes, and maybe even have the same type of sense of humor as me. I'm very easy to work with though; I'm malleable to anyone, and I accept all types.
- Music. I wasn't going to mention music in here because that's minor, but I am NOT going to take some metal-headed fool who CRITICIZES me on my music. I love everything, I don't expect you to. But at least, respect mine and I'll respect yours, simple as that. This applies to all sorts of tastes (food, movies, art, etc) as well.
- Respect. For life. For family, for friends, for anything. If you're not going to be appreciative of what you have in front of you, then I don't wanna hear it. People who don't know the value of life, don't know how to live each day with a blessing. Also, if you don't appreciate what you have around you, how would you respect me?
- Attraction. I'm going to make this plain and simple. If I'm not attracted to you? I'm not attracted to you. Simple as that. Attraction may not just apply to physical attributes, but...if there's no spark, there's no spark, you know? Now, there are a bunch of you who don't even believe in the 'theory of the spark,' and I respect that. But I follow it so. Haha. There's a different chemistry between each person with someone else. If I feel you're more of a friend or a mentor or a brother? Please don't get upset because I just wasn't attracted. That would also exhibit the bad trait of immaturity, which I will not tolerate.
- Aesthetically Pleasing. I'm not going to lie, if I'm not interested in you physically, I probably won't date you. Why waste my time, right? I mean, I'm not an asshole, I'll give you a chance if you're a really nice guy and non-creepy/okay looking...but you have GOT to have that personality to back you up. If there's any chance that you're an ugly tool, you're out.
- Disease-free. This should be an obvious for people, but a lot of times we overlook that on a person if we like them too much or something. I'm sorry but...I'm too young to be ridden with people who have STDs. I've been avoiding that my entire life, and I'd like to keep it that way.
- Vices. There are certain things I can tolerate, as of course there are certain things that I can't. Vices for me refer to some bad habits such as smoking, drinking excessively or gambling. I'm sure that everyone has a vice, so don't be ashamed of it (or, don't hide it from me). I'd like to know up-front with what exactly I'm dealing with, so maybe we can even work it out together. I am not a person who smokes, uses drugs or drinks regularly and I always have been that way by choice. It would do me a great pleasure if you could respect that I believe that a body is sacred and that no toxins should permeate it. Not only the things above can be a vice, almost anything can: such as jealousy, recklessness, greed or cowardice. It will depend wholly on how well you can deal with your vice, so I would be able to deal with it too.
- Honesty and Trust. Obviously, this gets developed much later into a relationship. But if I get the vibe that you're not being completely honest with me...there'd be a problem. Lies, are like ripples. They start out small, and they spread like wildfire. I'd like to establish that solid ground of foundation of which our relationship is based on, please. Also, being straightforward with your thoughts would help out as well.
- Be Kind. This one can be mistaken for being an over-all "nice guy," but kindness and tenderness is a very difficult attribute to bring out in a person sometimes. Sometimes the phrase can be mistaken for generosity, but I'm talking about the simplest of actions referring to kindness. When you show that you care about other people, animals or life forms, you are showing your innate and intrinsic good. Don't overlook the power of being kind, for it is something truly magical.
- Well-rounded. This again, can be a little bit broad. But obviously, I'm going to be looking for a companion who's a little like me. NO, you don't have to familiarize yourself with Hungarian Opera or Japanese Trip-hop music, but it would be nice to be able to carry on a conversation with ease, according to our moods. Whether it be just the weather, politics, music and the like, it would be amazing if you could keep up, or maybe even teach me a thing or two.
- Intelligent. I must say, THIS, is my type of guy. Always have, always been hankering for nerds. Now, I know a bunch of quiet nerds are silently jumping up and down for joy for being given a chance, but....that's not the case here. Like I said, you must be well rounded enough for me to be interested, and not be selfish enough to only have your own interests at heart (I'm talking about YOU video game dudes who do NOTHING but that all day, lol). My type of intelligent guy would be able to teach me something new in which I have no clue about. That's a great trait.
- Social. I know this sounds like the package for a perfect guy, but this is kind of a must. I've had my fair share of shy guys...and I'm done with that. You must be able to handle yourself in social situations, whether it be the crew from the hood, or a doctor's convention with future nobel prize winners, it's key to not be afraid of interaction. I'm not saying that you have to uphold my name with utmost eloquence or anything, but just know how to mix in situations that are foreign to you. Don't be "that guy" in the corner of the room, ignoring everybody else when they're having fun.
- Experience. Is not necessary. To some, being in a relationship or not being in a relationship is key to how you perform intimately. I agree in the sense that experience in the dating world definitely shapes who you are, but does not stop you from becoming an overall great person. I am not, I repeat not going to judge you based on your sexual experience or inexperience. If you have had none, then we would learn together. If you have had a lot, as long as you're clean I'm fine with that honestly. Don't be afraid to be honest with what you have, or haven't done. Remember, honesty is key.
- Be Spontaneous. This one's not that big on me. I mean, it would be a plus, but it's not limited to that. I've just had experience with stubborn people who simply whine at the mention of plans not being able to happen...don't live life on a schedule! It's too damn short! If something happens, it happens. Don't complain, don't worry...things will right itself in the end.
- Be yourself! This is key! No matter who you are, what you do, what your interests are; don't solely and constantly be trying to impress me, and then you forget yourself. It's flattering that you do this, but I prefer you to be who you are when nobody's looking; rather than not know who you are to begin with. Then again, if you don't know who you are, I'd be happy to go along with you on that journey as well. Just like any other Indie movie, lol. :)
- Romantic. This one's purely, purely, purely just fluff. I'm not expectant of this whatsoever with whomever I meet because unfortunately in this day and age, the typical "gentlemen" is more difficult to find than solutions for a better economy. I know you guys are there, but I'm not going to be angry if you don't fit into the mold of the prince, to my princess.
- Know your Age. And I mean this in the nicest way. What I mean is, act your age. I don't have time for any sort of immaturity over here, so if there is even a hint of any, you're out the door buddy. Of course, I give chances, I'm not a cruel person. Difficult and picky yes, but cruel, no. If there's a problem, I most likely will tell you what it is. There's not going to be any anonymity to which why I broke something off with you, or something like that. I don't like to leave people hanging and confused as to, "I wonder why that happened?" If something happens, don't be afraid to ask. But I'm afraid this one's going on a little tangent, so I'll stop here.
- Positive Attitude. This one is important. Yes, we are all entitled to our bad days, but if you decide to look upon each single day as a gift rather than a curse, you are the one for me. No matter how bad my days are, how messed up my life seems to be at the moment, I will not cease to point out that there will always be people worse off than you. Don't make it seem like the world revolves around your attitude, it doesn't work that way. Also, if being with you can make me forget about how miserable I can be? I think I'd be sold.
- Goals in Life. Are very important. I've had a lot of time to think to myself, being an only child. And I believe that we as human beings are put on this earth to make a legitimate difference. No, you don't have to be trying to cure cancer or end world hunger for me (but if you did, that would totally be awesome), but greeting everyday with a purpose will motivate you to live your life better, as long as you are here. This means, as long as you have a positive outlook on your own future, I will be happy for who you are. I'm not asking you to be the most charitable person I've met or even have to worry about what the rest of the world is doing, but you must have ambitions and aspirations you would love to live up to. I'm not going to judge you if you're one of those people who just live life as it comes, but it would be nice to have somewhat of a goal in mind so as you are not just wandering around not knowing what you wanna do. I'd gladly be able to help you in whatever you seek, and maybe you even can take an interest in mine.
All in all, these so-called traits and characteristics of a person are definitely what I am seeking for a serious committed relationship. If you are not looking for anything serious, then I am not the girl for you. Trust me, even if you did fit into ALL of these categories, but you're not interested in me, or you just want to sleep around, I'll respect that and leave you to it. I'll be terribly disappointed and sad, but I'm definitely not going to impose myself upon your sets of ideals as well. I know what I want and I am willing to compromise in any which way. I am hoping to find someone with the same or similar respect to their future and mine. I hope all of our endeavors are great, whether we click or not, that is important!
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Scientist
By Coldplay
Come up to meet you...tell you I'm sorry...you don't know how lovely you are...
see related |
Hey again Xanga.
I know, writing again. Always happens the most when I'm depressed as SHIT right? Hm. I don't think I'll be very poetic today...hopefully just straight forward and finish a damn post in one sitting. I hate it when I never finish my writing, I'm always left being incomplete. Have a feeling this one's gonna be short, though. Too tired, too much on my mind.
So...what is it about again? Well, you know what it is. It's about Shiva. I miss him to death.
But he'll never miss me.
...I don't know when it started to happen...but we started to drift apart. Well, it was always because of his choice of work...but I don't think I can blame the job alone anymore. You see, he is on medicated leave. Which means...he's going to stay in the city til about, at LEAST April (haha, how fucked up...he's going to be deployed and trained around my birthday yay -___-) Now...from now until then...there's ample amount of time for us to spend time together, right..? Apparently not. Apparently...I was out of the equation before anything even started.
I know, I know. That's just Shiva's personality. Yes, it is...he's a very serious individual, and destined to be great at his job, but..he's just so good at everything in his life, it's not possible for him to spend that much time with me? You know, I'm not even gonna lie? But I am a great girlfriend. A GREAT, girlfriend. I give him alone time when he needed it. I make him go out with his friends instead of just me. I don't fight over something petty unless it hurt my feelings. I'm very honest, straightforward, and sweet to him. But when I give an inch, he takes a mile.
He says he can't call me or text me because, "he just doesn't have the time" but CMON ppl, lets be effing serious. He's been telling me he feels weird that he actually has a FULL sleep pattern of 8 hours now instead of the 4 or 6 hour one he's accustomed to...and you're telling...ME, that there is just SIMPLY NO DAMN TIME IN THE WORLD TO TALK FOR A GODDAMN MERE FIVE MINUTES?!?! I'm not asking we have an hour conversation. I'm not even asking for a half an hour one. I just want to hear your voice. I want to make sure you're okay...I want to see how your day was, because I love you. But NO. Apparently, five damn minutes of your precious time is too much to ask for. It's just...not fair. And yes, you can say that life ISN'T fair, but that's all I ask for...and it's not too much.
I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't keep pushing away my feelings in order to make you happy. I know that I've been doing it in the past for you...but I just don't know anymore. I love you, Shiva. You know I do. You love me too...and that I'll be the only one you'll ever love because of your position. But I've WAITED for you Shiva. That's all I've been doing lately. I've been spending a LIFEtime, just waiting for you. Waiting for what...? For you to come around? For you to forget your passion and just live a life with me forever? For you to actually call me once n a while to make it seem like you care about us a LITTLE bit..? Yeah, you can guess it's all of the above. I wasn't lying when I told you that I'll be there for you, and I'll wait for you and I'll love you SO strong, right up until you leave on that plane. But now...I'm just not sure I want to anymore.
You wanna know what's the WORST part of all of this?
That I don't even know if I care anymore. Or if I feel anything. The pain has been SO much...that I've been kind of numb to everything. Lol, I guess my tactic worked...I was trying to protect myself from the pain of when you actually left, that I prepared very well by letting you have your space and not be clingy. I must say, too good of a job. The reason why I'm pissed though...is because I've been letting other feelings get to me...other feelings of...like. I'm not gonna lie, this has happened often during my relationship with you. It seemed as though whenever I crushed, I crushed hard, and it leaves as quickly as it comes. I must admit, it's a surprise when other guys show interest in me, because of my low self-esteem, I don't think anyone would be able to like me. Then again...nobody could love me like you can. This is proof, when guys see other ppl better than me and move on as well, so I understand why it leaves so fast. I'm just not...worth it--to anyone else. I can see that.
The fact that I'm letting this power of self-image bother me SO much that it's comPLETELY interfering with my 'love life' is pretty serious. Actually, it's pretty stupid, pathetic and all of the above but...what can you do, right? I feel what I feel, and there's nothing to it. I'm never, ever going to write down why I feel this way! But, I'll do it one day...when I'm 90 and wrinkled and just don't give a shit anymore, haha.
Anyway. I'm not supposed to like anyone else. That'd make me SUCH an emotional cheater. And I fucking hate that. But I must admit...it feels so good to not have to be sad all the time. I'm pretty grateful for how much I *forget* when I'm talking to that person. To be honest, he singlehandedly made this experience a much lighter load for me to handle (well, mostly, I had other help as usual lol). I enjoy all the conversations we've had together...but I personally believe that we both are where we are because we depend on each other for affection we crave and don't get from other people and the people we really want. I know for a fact he doesn't like me "like that". But it's still nice to always have a friend to go talk to by the end of the day...and just relax.
Another fucked up thing about me is that, I do that whole, "dating only those whom I see myself marrying" bullshit. LOL. Man, has THAT fucked up my life. I have half a mind to just go do it with random attractive people I see on the street. Lmao. But that's not my style. I kinda wish it was though. Would make like WAY easier for me. And who knows...happier? I'm trying not to like this guy because he's ALL sorts of wrong for me, in a sense that he has mood swings, lol. (I know, it sounds like me, but it's not, I swear). You've seen the positives listed in the other post. They're all great but I just....can't. Why is unrequited like SUCH a huge thing on me?! LOL.
The messed up part is, I sometimes wish something could happen though. I dunno what, or how. But just, something I guess. But then I wake up and realize that's just me craving love and attention I've been depraved of for so long in my previous relationship. Nothing, is real anymore.
I don't know exactly how I'm going to solve this...but I need to get over people asap. I need to get over EVERYone I freaking come in contact with. Maybe I'll become a nun, lol. I wish I could just live a life of solitude without any of my DAMN feelings to interfere with my life...they've truly been hell for me. Or, I just need to find a new guy to take my mind off the old ones. :/
So all in all, everything's pretty fucked up. lol. True story. My boyfriend of seven years' priority is not me. My relationship is over, and has been over for longer than I care to admit. I have numerous unrequited likes whom never, ever like me because of my personality. I am fucking up with everyone and everything. I don't deserve to be here. I want everything to be over with. Just pack up and leave everyone behind..I just wish
I could.
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| It reminds me of summer. It reminds me of the sun slowly setting on a Thailand beach. I hope I get to experience this soon, for it is truly breathtaking. I hope you like it!
**********EDIT**********
So, I actually went to Thailand this summer! And bar none: it was the most amazing experience of my life. I can't wait to go visit my family again and go back...<3 I love you!
PS: Don't you LOVE this song? <3 Bon Iver.
Tttyl guys :) | | |
| I am currently writing a paper about Twitter RAWR but I think it will be okay. I am tired. *sigh*
WHOA. Actually, if I think about it, A WHOLLLEEEE lotta shit's been going down lately. It kinda sucks. I partially feel as if I want to skip out on all of this work and just fast forward to the me, working part. But I KNOW for a fact that it's bad to fastforward because I should just live through and enjoy it all. The years pass by entirely too quickly anyways, so I'm not worried.
But ALL THIS WORK NEEDS TO DIE!!!!!
Speshal shoutout to Jiemi who reminded me to updateeeee soo *mwah!* ;)
hahhaha <3
PS: I'll finish this update later. Mayyyybe. | | |
| Today I was in a chatroom, speaking to a girl. We liked each other and got on well. She told me that she had dumped her boyfriend because he was such a bastard. 20 minutes later, we sent each other our photos... it was my ex. FML
Today, I was finally able to get to know a girl at university who I'd been eyeing up for months. We had a nice conversation. We discovered that we live in the same area, and so we talked about that. I told her that the little restaurant under my house was really disgusting. Her parents own it. FML
Today, when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I hear him in the hall I shout out "come on, don't be shy, bring that cock in here right now!". A voice replies: "he's gone out to get some bread". It was my mother in law. FML
Today, I get to see my boyfriend again after a month. So I decided to shave my pubic hair in the shape of a heart. After my little striptease, he gasped in admiration "Aaaw, Batman sign!" FML
Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she bought for me. I said joking: "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML
Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML
Today, my 14-year-old little sister asked me how I felt when I had my first sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said "I thought it was nice". I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone's trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I go onto my balcony and ask in a loud voice if everything's ok and if she needs anything. Her and her boyfriend shout back in unison: "We're fucking, go away". FML
Today, during a lunch I said "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on!". One of the men present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman". Which was also the case. FML
Today, I was going to confess to my best friend that I am madly in love with her. I called her up only to find her crying. She was upset that she might be pregnant with some guy. FML
Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML
Today I sent a text message to my boyfriend: "Come over in an hour, I love you." An hour later, the doorbell rang. It was my ex, looking happy and still as taken with me as before, with a bunch of roses. I'd got the wrong number - my ex and my boyfriend have the same name. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learnt that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML
Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML
Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML
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